From costs to rules for funeral homes, what you need to know when dealing with the death of a loved one
The death of a loved one is heartbreaking. This important information can help you navigate the costs and stress of remembering the dearly departed.
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The loss of a loved one brings sorrow, stress, and for many, unexpected and unplanned expenses. Final services can be expensive, in the thousands of dollars, and if not prepared, you could find yourself at a loss for what to do next.
More of us have come to learn that death can happen unexpectedly, whether from illness such as during the COVID pandemic, or from accidents or violence. While you might not want to think about the possibility of losing a beloved family member or friend, it’s helpful to be prepared in case the worst should happen.
Preparing for the worst You can help ease the burden
Even before a death, it can be helpful to begin preparations for those you may leave behind. Consider your last wishes – what you want to happen: burial vs. cremation, memorial services, last will and testament.
Many companies offer insurance to ease the financial burden of those planning for their own death or the death of a loved one. The Funeral Consumers Alliance provides information about insurance policies, what they can or will cover, and who offers them.
If your goal is to make sure your family is left with no extraneous expenses, get everything in writing and leave them copies of the agreements and plans you have made.
A payable-on-death (POD) account allows you to put money into savings specifically for funeral expenses, and you can appoint the person you want to control the finances. That person will be able to access the money after you die by showing a valid death certificate.
Your loved ones may also be able to access a death benefit from your life insurance, if available. Bankrate provides information on what you and they should know.
VETERANS: In the case of veterans, the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs provides help in planning and paying for funeral services.
While preparing for your final wishes, provide information which can help your loved ones as they navigate the days and weeks following your death. This includes providing information that may seem unimportant, but can help ease the stress, such as passwords for social media and streaming sites, bank account and financial information, paperwork for properties and other financials - all readily available, and even a list of locations in your home for things like water shut off and electric panels. Having handy access to that information can help your family get through the things they need to do while also easing that stress.
A death in the family What happens now?
When someone has passed away, the first thing is to determine if the family member has left behind any last wishes – burial or cremation, an estate plan and will, or if anything has been pre-paid.
You will also need to get the legalities out of the way, like death pronouncements, which will be needed throughout the process. Start filing the paperwork for any death benefit payouts from life insurance, and begin planning services.
There are costs for some paperwork. A death certificate costs $15 in Shelby County, Tennessee.
Executor.org provides an interactive map with executor fees by state.
Some turn to crowdfunding to help raise money to cover expenses in the event of a sudden passing. GoFundMe provides information for those wishing to start a fundraiser. Before giving to any fundraiser, check its authenticity and make sure the money is going to those who need it. GoFundMe can also help you determine if a fundraiser is trustworthy.
There are also small things that may slip your mind during this time of grief, such as making arrangements for any pets, securing any property, closing out bills, canceling services no longer needed, and such.
Heading to the funeral home What to know before you walk in
Once you are able, it's time to discuss the next steps with a funeral director. You are not obligated to go with one funeral home over another, and can shop around for the best services and prices.
It’s worth noting that funeral homes must adhere to The Funeral Rule, according to the Federal Trade Commission. The rule ensures consumers only have to select and pay for the services they want. Prices must be clearly provided, and third-parties can be used as you see fit. A funeral home must also provide a finalized list with prices of the services you select for you or your family to sign off on before moving forward with the plans. The information should be provided in a document given to you at the end of any discussion about funeral arrangements.
Burial vs. cremation
Considering the last wishes of a loved one foremost, there are options if those wishes were not provided. Most commonly is the question of burial versus cremation.
According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the national average for a funeral with a viewing and ceremony followed by a burial was about $7,800 in 2021. That number does not include many miscellaneous expenses such as cemetery costs, marker costs, and flowers or an obituary.
The NFDA said the national average for a funeral with viewing followed by cremation ran about $7,000 in 2021, not including costs such as the urn, or costs associated with burying or interring the ashes.
Transporting the body
Before even considering the burial versus cremation question, the costs start adding up. First, transporting the person’s body a close distance can range from $125 to $500 and up. Most quotes for picking up a body from the site of death are for travel of no more than 25 miles. According to Bankrate, the average costs about $350.
Shipping and receiving a body over long distances can add thousands of dollars to the overall costs. Shipping can range from $1,000 to more than $20,000, depending on whether shipping by ground or to another state or country. Receiving fees can cost $800 to $2,500. When transporting a body from overseas to the U.S, expect those fees to go up even more. There are also a lot of regulations which must be met, such as these from the CDC.
Traditional burial
A traditional burial involves the remains being placed in a casket, then buried, usually in a plot set aside in a cemetery. There are several costs associated with a burial, from the casket itself, to the process used on the body before it is interred.
Embalming
Embalming a body can add hundreds more dollars to the funeral costs. Bankrate notes the average for embalming services costs about $775.
According to the FTC, embalming is not necessary or legally required if a body will be buried or cremated shortly after death. However, many funeral homes will require embalming if a visitation or viewing is planned. If that is the case, the funeral provider is required by the FTC to disclose that in writing. The FTC also says, “funeral providers may not claim that either embalming or a particular type of casket will preserve the body of the deceased for an unlimited time.”
It's also worth noting that if embalming is being done for the purposes of a viewing, there will likely be additional costs for cosmetic services, which can cost about $275 on average, according to Bankrate.
Caskets
Bankrate notes an average metal casket can cost about $2,500, and premium caskets of mahogany, fiberglass, or wood and plastic can cost up to $10,000.
If you choose to buy a casket from somewhere other than the place providing the funeral services, consider the costs of shipping the casket to the funeral home, which can be expensive. The FTC Funeral Rule requires providers to agree to use a casket bought elsewhere and does not allow them to charge a fee for using said casket.
Some states do not require a casket at all, and a simple wooden box is allowed. According to legal help website Nolo.com, Tennessee law does not require a casket for burial, however some cemeteries do. Laws vary by state and location of burial.
In cases of cremation, you can rent a casket for a viewing. Otherwise, the FTC requires funeral providers to provide an inexpensive unfinished wood box or other alternative container of pressboard, cardboard, or canvas that is cremated with the body. The FTC says no states require a casket for direct cremations, and they must disclose in writing your right to purchase an inexpensive alternative, as well as make that alternative available. An inexpensive cremation casket can cost as low as $200, but the average costs about $1,300.
Burial vaults and grave liners
The FTC says state laws do not require a vault or liner for burial, and a funeral provider is not allowed to tell you otherwise. However, some cemeteries will require some sort of outer burial container to prevent a grave from sinking. Before selecting, a funeral provider must provide a list of prices and descriptions, and you may find they are cheaper through a third-party supplier. Bankrate notes the average costs of these outer grave containers is about $1,500.
Burial plots
A burial plot can cost about $250 and up, depending on the cemetery and location. On average it’s about $1,000, and you can find less expensive options at public cemeteries vs private cemeteries, which can cost thousands of dollars. For example, according to the website for Memphis’ historic Elmwood Cemetery, a casket burial will cost about $1,500 to $7,000, not including an interment fee of $1,300.
Memorial Park in Memphis says on its website that a funeral can cost as little as $1,000 for direct disposition, which includes registering the death, a basic casket or container, and transporting the deceased. But the average for a full-service funeral runs about $5,000.
You can bury someone on land you own, depending on where you live. Nolo.com says there are no state laws against it in Tennessee, however there may be ordinances within towns and cities or counties, so you have to check each. If you are able to and do choose to bury a loved one on private land, a map of the property with the burial location should be drawn and filed with the property deed so the location is available to others in the future. Nolo.com says family burial grounds in Tennessee are protected if they are recorded with a deed. (See Tennessee Code § 46-8-103.)
Grave markers & headstones
The costs for grave markers and headstones can vary enormously, depending on how simple or elaborate you wish to go. Some cemeteries have certain requirements, so you will need to check those for the cemetery of your choice. We found some listed as low as $150 with engraving online, but you will want to research the durability of the material and engraving. In 2023, the average flat marker/headstone will run about $1,000, while the average upright headstone is about $2,000.
Cremation
The most common cremation arrangement in the U.S. is direct cremation, when a body is taken directly to the crematory, and ashes are returned to the family without a service or visitation. It’s also one of the most affordable options, averaging about $1,000 to $3,000, depending on whether you use a funeral home or crematory.
Cremation with a memorial service, similar to a traditional funeral service, can cost an average of $1,500 to $4,000, according to Forbes. You can choose to have a traditional viewing, or some choose to have an urn with the deceased’s ashes present instead of a casket. According to Bankrate, the average cost for an urn is about $300. But remember, according to the FTC rule, you can choose a third-party supplier for an urn.
The process takes on average about 15 days to get the ashes back after the death certificate is issued. The certificate must be issued before a cremation can occur and can take longer depending on the manner of death.
What to do with the ashes
Once you have the ashes, you must decide whether to keep them, inter them, or scatter them.
If you choose to inter the ashes, there are costs associated with that. They can run from about $350 on average to more than $2,500.
At Memphis’ Elmwood Cemetery, it runs $500 to nearly $5,000 for ‘ashes burial,’ the low end for single persons and the upper end includes space for interment for the ashes of up to eight people. Also at Elmwood, a niche in the columbarium runs $1,500 and holds ashes for two people. Engraving is an additional charge. There is also an opening and closing fee of $500 for each individual for both the burials and niches.
On its website, Memphis’ R. Benard Funeral Services of Buried by the Bernards fame from Netflix lists a price of $595 for direct cremation (with stipulations). This includes a standard container and does not include the death certificate or cremation permit, which will cost extra.
When it comes to scattering ashes, there are some things to keep in mind.
Officially, you should ask permission for scattering ashes on federal land. Private land is usually okay but ask permission from the landowner. Always check for any city and county ordinances for the area.
- The EPA says, “The federal Clean Water Act requires that cremated remains be scattered at least three nautical miles from land. The EPA does not permit scattering at beaches or in wading pools by the sea. Finally, you must notify the EPA within 30 days of scattering ashes at sea.
- The Clean Water Act also governs scattering in inland waters such as rivers or lakes. For inland water burial, you may be legally required to obtain a permit from the state agency that manages the waterway.”
Funeral/memorial service expenses
You will also need to decide whether to hold a memorial or funeral service for the departed. Those costs depend on how you wish for your loved one to be remembered.
Some churches do not charge members or their families for funeral services. Some may charge for non-members, which can typically range from $200 to $500. Even though there may not be a charge, it is customary to provide a monetary gift for services for each clergy, organist, soloist, etc., who take part.
Flowers can range from $50 to $250 for most arrangements. A large casket spray can run $250 to $700 on average. Also don’t forget to factor in costs for a guest book, any printing costs for memorial cards or programs, or any other memorials you wish to provide to attendees.
Many people prefer to set up memorial donations in addition to or in lieu of flowers. Legacy.com provides information on how to set up memorial donations, choose the organization receiving the donations, and make sure the money goes to the appropriate place.
Alternatives to burial and cremation Donating to science, organ donations, more
Instead of being buried or cremated, some choose eco-friendly burials, turning remains into a tree, or giving the bodies to science, in hopes of helping future generations in some ways. For body and organ donations, certain preparations usually need to be made ahead of time, as it is extremely time sensitive.
It can also be an economical choice, as many places will cover the costs associated, depending on the organization. Keep in mind, some universities and medical schools have whole body donation programs but may not have the funds to cover all costs.
Donating to science
If you choose to donate your body, make sure others know your choice, and plan ahead. However, under the Uniform Anatomical Gift Act, next-of-kin and some select others may make the donation.
Agreeing to organ donation on your license does not constitute an agreement for whole body donation. According to the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, a donor would need to register with both organ donation organizations and whole-body donation organizations.
Remember, organs are only viable for donations for a few hours, and bodies begin to decay in as little as a day. Donations may not be successful if the organization you plan to donate to is far away. Check if there is a geographic limit for the organization, meaning if someone dies outside of their zone limit, that body may not be able to be donated.
Body donations for science may last from a few months to longer, and many organizations will return cremated ashes once the body can no longer be used for research.
There are several organizations which handle whole body donations. Here are a few:
- https://www.genesislegacy.org/
- “Genesis arranges transportation, death certificates, and cremation at no cost to you or your family. For families who may be financially exhausted, or object to traditional expensive funerals, the Genesis program offers a noble and dignified alternative.”
- https://www.sciencecare.com/
- “Upon acceptance into the Science Care program, there are no costs associated with your donation. We cover the cost of transportation, cremation, filing the death certificate and permits, and the cost of returning cremated remains to a designated recipient.”
- https://www.newgift.org/
- “This donation is at no cost to you or your family. New Gift will cover all expenses related to the donation process including donor transportation, cremation, and the direct return of cremated remains to loved ones for free.”
Whole body donations can also be made to places which study death and forensics, such as Department of Anthropology at the University of Tennessee-Knoxville, which works with the FBI. According to their website, there is no cost for families, and if its within 100 miles of Knoxville, they will pick up the body at no charge. However, they do not remove donor bodies from hospice, nursing homes, or private residences, so you would need to call a funeral home first, and there could be associated costs for that. If the death happens more than 100 miles from Knoxville or outside of Tennessee, the family would be responsible for transporting the body to the Knoxville facility.
Other alternatives to burial and cremation
For the unusual, you can blast your body into space, or go green with a mushroom suit. The costs associated with these ideas can range from a couple hundred dollars to thousands.
Here’s a look at some of those ideas:
- The company Coeio makes an Infinity Burial Suit – the so-called ‘mushroom burial suit’ in which actor Luke Perry was reportedly buried. It bills itself as the eco-friendly option.
- Living Urn uses a loved one’s ashes as the base for growing a new tree.
- Places like LifeGem and Saint Diamonds use ashes to create gemstones.
- You can create a memorial under the sea with Eternal Reefs, which turns cremated remains into a reef for sea life.
- If music is a passion, AndVinyly will turn ashes into vinyl record albums.
- Art from Ashes uses ashes to make new artwork pieces to remember a loved one.
- For $3,000 to $13,000, Celestis says it will launch a “symbolic portion” of cremated remains into space. Prices vary depending on how far from Earth you want the remains to go.
- Eternal Ascent Society will release ashes in biodegradable balloons, which they say will rise and continue to expand until it reaches about six miles above the surface, when it will freeze and shatter, releasing the ashes.
- For all the sci-fi people out there, Cryogenic Preservation is available from the Cryonics Institute. The website says the cost is about $28,000 for a lifetime member.
This is just a small list of places which offer alternatives to traditional burial and cremation. Research any claims made by the organizations and companies before making a decision.
Other expenses to consider From hospice care to debt
When someone dies, especially when the death is unexpected, there may be other expenses that must be taken care of, such as debts, hospital or hospice care, and other end-of-life expenses.
According to Debt.com, a 2022 study found costs for terminal patients who had long-term illnesses and spent 15 or more days in hospice were about 3% less than costs for those who did not enroll in hospice. Insurance and Medicaid can cover many of these expenses.
In general, debts do not disappear upon someone’s death. When someone dies, their assets pass to their estate, and the estate of the deceased will typically pay for these expenses. You might not be responsible for the debt unless you co-signed a loan or held a joint account with the deceased, or if state law requires executors or administrators to take on an outstanding bill for property jointly owned by survivors or the deceased. Consumerfinance.gov provides more information on what to know about debt for a departed loved one.
In conclusion
When someone dies, it can be heartbreaking and overwhelming. Planning ahead can help ease the burden and make sure your loved ones aren’t left with a mountain of expenses to cover.
Below again are the printable checklists which can help you in your pre-planning and after the death of a loved one.